For instance, to build a happy family, family members must experience deep affection, loyalty, and a healthy attachment. Even if it’s just a little more than your mom does. I offers her and her brother a drink on Wednesday but as soon as she goes alone to her brothes they end up drinking even though they said they had enough two days and don’t want me around. Me too, I see myself in some of y’all. Im 43 years old and the saga continues. No matter how many times your friends and family tell you how much they love you, all you think is “I don’t feel good enough to be loved.” You’ve read articles on how to increase your feelings of self-worth, you listened to your counselor’s tips on how to feel good enough for love, and you’ve even asked God to help you feel better about yourself. A belief is a thought that we’ve been attaching to, often for years.”. Don’t you think it’s pathetic to cry over someone else’s inconsiderate words and you have to ease yourself to be patient? I do have joy in life though. Put on a happy song, think back to one of your happier times.. do you not smile? I don’t know why though. If you already know how you give and receive love and you still feel like no one loves you, read When You Don’t Feel Good Enough to Be Loved. Thank you psychalive… I had lost all hope recently but this article gave me new hope to live. If I say something about the phones, I’m criticized for being self-centered. I can’t see any situation where a person or group would be saying, “oh, we should invite/call/etc Jenn,” or “I wish Jenn were here,” and definitely not, “I sure miss Jenn” No one seems to care one way or another. Ok Seriously, what about when I think everything is great. My father went holiday and brought me not one thing, even though I'm his son, yet women he gives and brought stuff for. I’ve started to think of myself as some kind of living ghost, which at least puts a slight romantic edge on the loneliness. And it helped me a lot to be reminded that it was normal and that I’m not doing anything wrong when I face what feels like the same battle the umpteenth time. At first I felt the same way I always felt: why am I even trying? Are they just pandering me because they pity me? Copyright © 2020 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen. When I had enough, and dedicated every single moment, right now, to being in control of my thoughts and emotions, I started seeing real results. Im only noticed when someone tries to use me which is sad depressing. even though they’re rare. You just need the push. Your parents love you, your siblings love you, and you probably have some great friends who love you too. Best of luck finding the diamonds in the rough . Is what I said unforgivable? educated, very slim and look much younger than my age. I am kidding myself thinking our marriage can be salvaged? It’s not like I don’t know I’m annoying to be around, I’ve just never been able to isolate and eliminate the annoying part. I try to put myself to be outgoing and coolish but i feel likei get hurt and treated badly so i hide. Radzi seems to know how I feel and doesn’t dispute it. Hello I always feel lonely when my gf goes out and enjoy her self or she is either on her phone and I’m sat there bored and she’s never off it. Yet, one thing’s for sure. I know what most think about me, and it’s hard to disagree. I think we’re conditioned by society to feel we need to spend time with others and have times of good fellowship. Oh I do relate to you , we try but would like to be heard too . I rather suspect I never shall…. I look myself in the mirror and cry and encourage myself that I’ll be fine. I bet if you were that fly on the wall, you would see people doing exactly the same as you, but with very different results. I am open to any tips or suggestions. Maybe because I really am a bad person. I lived this way for many years sometimes using pot and alcohol to numb my pain. I am always left feeling like Im “good” sometimes to some people, but overall, Im really not good enough for anyone. My family don’t like me with the exception of one cousin who bothers to stay in contact (my mum also writes to me but mainly to demand attention). My exes were nice to me in the beginning until they realized I’m someone they just don’t want to be around. I feel like when I am around someone or a group of people, they don’t dislike me. It’s probably not true and I bet everybody likes you but doesn’t like how your mom is mean to you. Its hard to be liked. They Play The Blame Game. What am I even looking for? He spent the entire time talking about himself. It is the end of my first semester away at college and I feel very very lonely, anxious, and depressed. I’m all for going out or having drinks and dancing. I mean I’m friendly, nice to people and think I’m part of the group and then find out I am not invited to anything, then people stop talking to me and I’m the outcast once again. I am empty, lost and most of all I’ve lost my personality. One won’t speak to me at all even after having contact for a while after the divorce. I don’t feel like I’m ugly or undesireable, but I don’t understand what is wrong with me. In turn, it bends us out of shape in such a way that creates a self-fulfilling prophecy. I’ll probably never look for friendships the traditional way again (at work, bars, etc). Annie..you are a great person wit wonderful insight and compassion. I’m not shy but I’m not obnoxious. I’ve tried dating sites, met a few women, but nothing stuck. i think i know how you feel, we hate what we are but we are just like everybody else. I love Monet, libraries, science, and all of the other cool things that you mentioned. I have friends and I help them all and I take care of them. Thank you. The fact that I am good to people and even people know it, and inspite of that nobody cares me l. This hurts me the most. I always think people dislike me or are bored to talk to me and would much rather prefer talking to someone else..if someone does like talking to me extensively, I find it annoying, or think they’re taking advantage of my listening skills. In a world of all the lonely people that are outcast, you would be lonely and outcast” but this article and these comments have given me lots of tools for changing my thinking! Why is nobody else interested in C.S. What the heck is wrong with me? It has been this way since I was tiny. You just cant make others care for you and like you or love you unconditionally from heart…you may be most brightest generous charming successful but you cant make others like you…being liked and loved is a gift ,it cant be achieved, It’s not that everyone ignores me (sometimes it feels that way too though) it’s just the fact that I NEVER go out and am stir crazy everyday (I’m home-schooled) it sucks because my parents are such homebodies it’s sickining, even with my sister driving she doesn’t go anywhere ever!! This morning, I told a lady that I had been trying to get a taxi for 5 minutes before she arrived right next to me. I feel that is is very easy for people to abuse this strength of ours. I hear alot of women commenting, women like to talk so why they don’t talk to certain ones or men? I’ve only met my dad a couple times, and he never calls, visits, or even emails. I didn’t realize it…but like the article said, the repetition lead me to become these things even more. Reading this today helped me get thru a very tough day; I hope you left here feeling better as well. For example, if I have always though I am worthless and stupid and nobody likes to talk to me… then in social situation, those thoughts are suffocating my ability to have a positive interaction. I telephoned this person. Then I have others telling me that they didn’t think my father reported me they said yeah he knew but it had to be someone else or I need to forgive & get peace & try to have a relationship with my father that I wasn’t close to either of my parents but I felt like I was being told it was me not my parents or anyone else. Many so-called psychologically healthy individuals are initiating or instigating the hatred towards people who are not as popular as they are. I have suffered greatly (mostly mental) from B1 deficiency…and know I have a long time recovery after 54 years of more and more suffering from insecurity and anxiety and fear and depression and anger, etc. The way I was treated as a child growing up living in a abusive home, with toxic parents, other toxic family..I had to learn how to survived. I too noticed that some people who no one likes because of bad behavior are included. I am currently in a rough situation after coming out of a 12yr relationship that left me completely drained and empty. My own father reported me out of anger & he’s done & said alot worse, but nobody has reported them. I wish I had more people who love me, but I’ll take what I can get! Does that make sense? /* Add your own Mailchimp form style overrides in your site stylesheet or in this style block. Im saying what I feel and see, not any voice in my head. I snail mailed many things to this person, sometimes weekly, all went unanswered. It’s one of the signs your family members dislike or don’t respect you; they’ll simply ignore you. Your not the only one mate, even my family cant stand me. I didn’t have her love or hugs. How are you doing? He’s afraid to reveal his heart or allow himself to love you deeply. I’ve had social anxiety since as long as I can remember. Sonetimes I feel I’m getting on people’s nurves, if I’m very boring or annoying person. I feel soo unwanted unloved and useless my husband has an OCD problem he fights with me everyday over household chores, he makes me feel like i can do nothing right. There are five important steps to overcoming this inner critic. I want to ask if our inner voice is with us then how we are alone? Beth same have happened to me I know how hard feels even I am finding solution for this thing? I can’t seem to shake all the negative things that my ex constantly fed me, and feel very unworthy and unlovable. That’s your power. Then I chose to be not so helpful, give money to never get paid back, just see who people really are and it’s hard to find good people. Think about it! I’m not a psychologist, just a person who confronts these social puzzles daily. But I will stick up for or defend myself. She died of cancer,when I got cancer. : ). You’re nobody until someone wants you. Wow…thank everyone. Only then can you see the reality of how people REALLY see you. I don’t want to blame myself so I end up crying, trying to find on why I am so sad about that. I am 60 years old, married, moved to warmer climate in a 55+ community hoping to meet people like me. That certainly explains why so many of us men are still single today, and not by choice either. We also tend to be influenced by how our parents felt toward themselves, if they felt awkward socially or had low self-esteem, we take on some of their self-critical perceptions as our own. Someone who will listen to you without judgement. No one has ever liked me. No inner voice told me I was not loved. I’m in my early 30s and I suffer from extreme social anxiety and I have no friends. At work people will talk about going to happy hour right in front of me and never invite me! Remember how people at school would gather around a victim and bully them? I meanwhile make a marginally bigger effort for other people and when it’s not reciprocated I feel taken advantage of and angry. I’ve tried everything, but I just really don’t know what’s so unlikeable about me. But the thing about it for me is, I have no idea what I do wrong. I am the only one who pays any attention to me. I am ugly no one likes me. I am still insecure and can be withdrawn and am still healing, that’s why I searched online and found this amazing site. I’m sorry, but my loneliness is real. Now I feel a tug of war.. Other people constantly devalue us and treat us like some kind of undesirable other. He can tell there’s something wrong with you.” When a friend doesn’t text us back right away, it says, “I wonder what she’s thinking. I literally have no social life just work and grand child. Maybe because I lie and use people. I’m glad to see how supportive everyone is, but this won’t work for me. Since I started school, I’ve walked around the playground by myself. What about if you are really lonely and it is not only a state of mind? We’re being too guarded; we’re oversharing; we’re asking too many questions; we’re not asking enough questions; we’re smiling too much; we’re not smiling enough… whatever. I find my presence refreshing. We live in a very sick world with evil people and yes sometimes it’s our own family. So it’s not always that “inner voice” that plagues us. When you are rejected by your family even your own kids all based on false accusations how can you ever change how you feel. Before you jump on the “no one loves me” train, define what love means to you. this has happened all my life. Don’t waste your light on people who love darkness. Do you like yourself? He gets mad at me and to hurt me he deliberately withholds his affection. This can help them sort through where their self-shaming feelings come from and how to challenge them. The best way to start fighting the critical inner voice is, therefore, to do two things: identify when it’s operating and understand where on earth it comes from. I feel this same way. as a hard worker people sometime tend to ignore what is outwardly (in appearance) attractive. Some people say that I am soo emotionally detached and laid back that I’m virtually lying down! I really appreciate your advise and recommendations. Yes it does. I pushed it aside for probably the first time ever and forced myself to read on knowing I was in desperate need of insight and relief. Inner work comes first. A lot of what I have read in the lead article I can definitely relate to, the self-doubt and circumstances under which it arises. It’s just the truth. I just wanted to thank you for being so kind to me during high school..the way you invited me to sit with you at lunch without even caring about the "popular" kids who were snickering and laughing at you for being nice to me. It don’t know why but there are just times when I, for no particular reason at all, feel like no one likes me or wants to be around me. It is what it is right now. Even my kids have seen some of it like, They still as happy telling a pregnant teen how such a great Mommy she going to be while they’re part blame me & my kids lives are a mess by my father reporting me when before he reported me while one of my kids was visiting him, was sexually battered in her sleep supposedly by a younger male cousin & she woke up & when I reported it after I found out, police reported it in our state, that other boy nor his parents nor my father was reported to children & family because they told me it was criminal & they didn’t deal with criminal only harm of child under parentsor guardian care, & police said nothing could be done due to my child & supposedly witnesses but police case could stay open for 3 years & without children & family interview the other people or reporting it to that state so the others could have a case opened on them & investigated, our state closed it out & I feel I can’t go against them in fear of retaliation on me & my kids that I could get my kids taken, they already lied in the other report plus I don’t have the money or resources to fight them. Just recently after all these years of my father not being in my life I just found out that he committed suicide a couple of years back and it has also made me deal with myself a lot because many years of negative through will take you to a very bad place. I think I have a deep dark ugliness side that people see and don’t want me around. Start learning guitar or anything else. As a child, I was always left out but really, really wished other kids would like me. I decided to keep quiet. Living in the crazy and crowded world, knowing that you don’t have anyone to speak to and share time with really hurts. Perhaps you can start one on your own (this what I’ve done, started some meetups, though many don’t pan out, but if your interests are general, I’m sure there is already a meetup out there, at least in bigger towns and most cities in N. America. We recommend moving this block and the preceding CSS link to the HEAD of your HTML file. It has helped me along the way. Visit museums. So many areas of this article and comments rang true for me. I apologized, but now this friend won’t even see me. When you allow yourself to dwell on those feelings, you feel even worse about yourself and your life! Val. She said she hadn’t seen me standing there. I discovered how many family gatherings I was excluded from while going through the stuff in my late aunt’s apartment. As Dr. Lisa Firestone put it in her article “A Way Out of Loneliness,”  “It’s helpful to recognize that loneliness is very much a state of mind, and unfortunately, that mind is, in effect, lying to us.” Being alone isn’t necessarily the issue; it’s the filter of seeing ourselves as alone that must be challenged. I wish I wasn’t like this, but I suppose how life in general, has impacted on me, I come across as this kind of person. Keep doing the things that you enjoy doing. My father and I use to be so close when I went and lived with him when I was 15 and moved out when I was 20 and since then we now live I different states and I’ve seen him 3 times in the past 19 yrs due to his wife n kid they had 16 yrs ago….what a shame & blow that was to me having the best father a girl could ask for and its gone in an instant!!! No wonder why married men live much longer than many of us single men. I l;earned to live with it to the point I don’t care anymore who likes me and who don’t. I’m sure I am nicer than the average person, still sometimes very wrong, but I can count on my hands what went extremely wrong, concerning others, I’m neither pretty nor ugly in the average persons eye. “A thought is harmless unless we believe it,” writes Byron Katie in  Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life: “It’s not our thoughts, but our attachment to our thoughts, that causes suffering. It’s not an easy task, but once you find the right people it’s smoother sailing. Feeling unloved and rejected is very real in my life and I have the proof, how can you ever change that with just words. I feel as if I’ve become a burden and lost. That’s how I feel lots of times. Best of luck to you. I'm the oldest of three children, and I know that parents favour one of their children over the other. Women in the old days were very different and weren’t as picky like most of them are now, and the great majority of these women today are very high maintenance, independent, greedy, selfish, spoiled, picky like i mentioned already, gold diggers, and will usually go with much older men for money. And my relationship with my older sisters is strained and not good. Vocalize or write down a reply to your critical inner voice. I used to live there and I know there are plenty of women of all colors who would date a black guy with your tastes. Im actually surprised how many people feel the way i do. It was a grass-is-greener deal, and for me, at least, it wasn’t. Oh I didn’t see you there you scared me! Really I just want to talk a bout a book that I’ve read, or art, or thing we do in class, science projects, things like that. Hi there idk if you will read it in this endless comment section but if u do, I have a very similar experience too except it was my dad. She has gone out of the country and has been phoning me to taunt and laugh at me over the Christmas and New Year. “You’re so boring. A recent U.K. study of millions of people found that one in 10 people didn’t feel they had a close friend, while one in five never or rarely felt loved. Going through the steps of voice therapy with a trained therapist can have significant benefits. I don’t go into a situation thinking no one likes me … it just happens. I agree whole heartedly. Are we the black sheep , I feel same as you ladies . Maybe the people that attract many other people, attract the shallow people, and maybe it is hard for us to find many solid, close people, because we are deep, we value true friendship, respect thoughts, and feelings, of others including our own. I put my energy into my kids. I actually don’t have anyone to talk to that I can just talk to & vent without someone reporting me to someone & telling me I’m sick,, or twisted & throwing it up later on & eventually regret that I told because trust & betrayal ruins it, I feel judged. Of course, we all have some days that are worse than others, and we may just be feeling lonely and sad after a bad day or a rough breakup. And since I’m a homosexual I know that even God doesn’t like me either. One talks to me or no one loves me not even my family to me outside of those qualities I invited myself would like! Just wish life would hurry up and end no inner voice told me I a... 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